Sometimes we can feel that something is “off” emotionally before we actually have the words to explain what’s happening. Feelings like shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, or feeling “Less Than” can show up in our bodies and reactions before we fully understand why we’re feeling that way. Part of building healthier self-esteem is learning how to notice those moments with curiosity instead of immediately judging ourselves for them.
Last Friday, I was at my kickboxing class, and we went to do a set that involved some back kicks. This was a team thing, and I guess I got this look on my face: 😧 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
…Because my partner was clearly thinking I was overwhelmed and scared about doing the back kick. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Even the instructor came over to see if I was ok. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I knew something was off; I felt it, and my partner was saying, “You can do this, you got this.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I later was able to put words to what I’d been feeling in that moment and articulate it to my instructor. I told her, “I just had the realization that I’ve been coming here for 4 years and have been doing the back kick wrong this entire time.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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My instructor was consoling, “You can relearn it.” And yes, I can relearn it— I wasn’t like, “Vickey you suck.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Recognizing Shame & Self-Criticism in the Moment
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But I’d had the feelings of berating myself about it a little, even before I’d had the words to place why I’d been feeling that way. I was making that face at the time because I felt Less Than. I felt a little ashamed. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
As I thought about this on my way home, I realized this would be a good topic to talk about on a blog.
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That even if we don’t have the verbiage in the moment to describe how we’re feeling, we can recognize the emotions of being in Less Than or Better Than, and breathe ourselves back into our Healthy Center of Self Esteem. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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We can say, “I can hold myself in warm regard, in spite of my flaws and imperfections.” (and imperfect back kicks) We all have different strengths and weaknesses (mine are back kicks) and that’s what makes us human. We all have worth because we were born.
Therapy for Self-Esteem, Emotional Regulation, & Relationship Patterns
If you’re struggling with self-worth, emotional regulation, relationship dynamics, or feeling stuck in patterns of self-criticism, I’d love to help. I offer therapy for individuals and couples in Norwood, MA and online.
Reach out to book a free consultation call about working together by filling out a contact form or calling me directly at (857) 891-0146.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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