Why are You Coming to Therapy?
“I gotta chill out”
“To improve communication with my spouse; conflict resolution”
“To learn the skills of connection; how to communicate and still find my voice”
“To learn to be more open and communicative”
“To handle things better”
“To not be so on edge”
These are actual goals of my current clients.
If you are anything like them, you know you play a role in what’s going on around you and you are ready and willing to look into that role.
What is your side of this and how can you make changes?
You want to learn why you do what you do; why you act the way you act; why you feel the way you feel.
I want to help you learn that.
This is your relationship with YOU and it is the primary relationship in your life.
Why are you coming to therapy?
“I gotta chill out”
“To improve communication with my spouse; conflict resolution”
“To learn the skills of connection; how to communicate and still find my voice”
“To learn to be more open and communicative”
“To handle things better”
“To not be so on edge”
These are actual goals of my current clients.
If you are anything like them, you know you play a role in what’s going on around you and you are ready and willing to look into that role.
What is your side of this and how can you make changes?
You want to learn why you do what you do; why you act the way you act; why you feel the way you feel.
I want to help you learn that.
This is your relationship with YOU and it is the primary relationship in your life.
How do I do This?
We’ll go deeper than the standard “Change the way you look at things and you’ll change the way you feel about them.”
I’m not knocking that approach. That WAS my therapeutic approach until a couple of years ago. Now I do things differently.
We (you and I, together) ask: “How do I look at things?”
Then we add: “WHY do I look at things this way?”
I often guide my clients to get a mental image of an iceberg. We’ve all seen this online. There’s the part that’s above the water, and then there’s the HUGE mass underneath the surface. Standard talk therapy can get to the tip of what’s under the surface. Yes, by simply talking with a trusted therapist, we can tap into some of our subconscious motivations of the moment.
And with more specific, targeted questions, we can go even deeper.
What are the subconscious stories and how did they get there? (although, honestly, the “how” is way less important than the “what”)
What do I mean by “subconscious stories?”
Picture this: last night I turned off the TV when my 12yr old son didn’t want me to. It’s possible that in that moment he learned “my mommy doesn’t care about what I want.” Or “nothing ever goes my way.”
Those are subconscious stories; beliefs about the world that we don’t realize we have.
Now picture my son as a college senior, sharing an apartment with some friends. One day his friend changes the channel on the TV abruptly and my son flips out. He may even act like a 12yr old. Neither my son nor his friend understand why he is having such an extreme reaction to the situation.
Ding, ding.
If we all have subconscious beliefs like this (and we all do), it’s pretty amazing that we are even able to function in the adult world at all.
My “About Me” page says “Tell me your stories; allow me to help you uncover the roots of your pain.” Day by day I become more skilled at helping you find those roots. It blows my mind what I am able to help my clients uncover in our sessions. Sure, I’ve been doing this for years now. You’d think I’d be accustomed to the discoveries that take place and the knowledge of my own skills to get my clients there. It’s still amazing when it happens. It’s also an honor to be present for it.
How do I do This?
We’ll go deeper than the standard “Change the way you look at things and you’ll change the way you feel about them.”
I’m not knocking that approach. That WAS my therapeutic approach until a couple of years ago. Now I do things differently.
We (you and I, together) ask: “How do I look at things?”
Then we add: “WHY do I look at things this way?”
I often guide my clients to get a mental image of an iceberg. We’ve all seen this online. There’s the part that’s above the water, and then there’s the HUGE mass underneath the surface. Standard talk therapy can get to the tip of what’s under the surface. Yes, by simply talking with a trusted therapist, we can tap into some of our subconscious motivations of the moment.
And with more specific, targeted questions, we can go even deeper.
What are the subconscious stories and how did they get there? (although, honestly, the “how” is way less important than the “what”)
What do I mean by “subconscious stories?”
Picture this: last night I turned off the TV when my 12yr old son didn’t want me to. It’s possible that in that moment he learned “my mommy doesn’t care about what I want.” Or “nothing ever goes my way.”
Those are subconscious stories; beliefs about the world that we don’t realize we have.
Now picture my son as a college senior, sharing an apartment with some friends. One day his friend changes the channel on the TV abruptly and my son flips out. He may even act like a 12yr old. Neither my son nor his friend understand why he is having such an extreme reaction to the situation.
Ding, ding.
If we all have subconscious beliefs like this (and we all do), it’s pretty amazing that we are even able to function in the adult world at all.
My “About Me” page says “Tell me your stories; allow me to help you uncover the roots of your pain.” Day by day I become more skilled at helping you find those roots. It blows my mind what I am able to help my clients uncover in our sessions. Sure, I’ve been doing this for years now. You’d think I’d be accustomed to the discoveries that take place and the knowledge of my own skills to get my clients there. It’s still amazing when it happens. It’s also an honor to be present for it.
I'm a relationship therapist
Let me tell you a story:
A previous client resumed this week. I’ve seen him individually and I’ve seen him together with his wife. They’re struggling. He said, sadly, “What does it mean about me that I’m seeing a ‘marriage therapist’ by myself?”
I responded with “Let me correct you. I’m not a ‘marriage therapist.’ I’m a ‘relationship therapist’ and we’re going to work on your relationship with yourself. We’re going to focus way more on your relationship with YOU than we did when you saw me last.”
This is the work I do: your relationship with YOU. (And trust me, as you work on you, all of your other relationships will shift as well. Picture the spokes on a bicycle: as one changes, it changes everything else)
Why do you look at yourself the way you do?
Why do you look at others the way you do?
As I mentioned above, the answers to these questions live in the subconscious stories that are running your life that you’re not even aware of.
I’ll help you bring those thoughts to consciousness and rewrite them. To give you a new story, and see where that story goes.
We aren’t going to just create a new perspective. We’re going to dig deeper. We’re going to lean into all of your conflicting thoughts and feelings. We’re going to listen to all of those different voices going on inside.
These voices don’t make you crazy. They make you human. We all have them; they really are normal.
And they are all trying to tell you something.
And by tuning into them, we can listen for the messages they carry.
You’re no longer alone with this. I’m in this with you. Allow me to guide you.
I'm a relationship therapist
Let me tell you a story:
A previous client resumed this week. I’ve seen him individually and I’ve seen him together with his wife. They’re struggling. He said, sadly, “What does it mean about me that I’m seeing a ‘marriage therapist’ by myself?”
I responded with “Let me correct you. I’m not a ‘marriage therapist.’ I’m a ‘relationship therapist’ and we’re going to work on your relationship with yourself. We’re going to focus way more on your relationship with YOU than we did when you saw me last.”
This is the work I do: your relationship with YOU. (And trust me, as you work on you, all of your other relationships will shift as well. Picture the spokes on a bicycle: as one changes, it changes everything else)
Why do you look at yourself the way you do?
Why do you look at others the way you do?
As I mentioned above, the answers to these questions live in the subconscious stories that are running your life that you’re not even aware of.
I’ll help you bring those thoughts to consciousness and rewrite them. To give you a new story, and see where that story goes.
We aren’t going to just create a new perspective. We’re going to dig deeper. We’re going to lean into all of your conflicting thoughts and feelings. We’re going to listen to all of those different voices going on inside.
These voices don’t make you crazy. They make you human. We all have them; they really are normal.
And they are all trying to tell you something.
And by tuning into them, we can listen for the messages they carry.
You’re no longer alone with this. I’m in this with you. Allow me to guide you.