One of the hardest parts about emotional healing is recognizing when we’ve slipped into feeling “better than” or “less than” someone else. These positions often show up automatically during painful experiences like betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or relationship conflict.
This week, someone brought to my attention some questions on the Better Than or Less Than positions that I talk about.
Keep in mind: Inherent Self Worth is in the middle, or Same As. Better Than is “up” and Less Than is “down”. Same As is, “I have worth just because I was born. I am not better than others I am not less than others.”
Can Betrayal or Abandonment Trigger “Better Than” or “Less Than” Thinking?
This person asked me, “What about bigger stuff such as, “my best friend betrayed me” or “my husband left me for another woman”? Are you really telling me to not go into a Better Than or Less Than place?”
How do you NOT go up or down in the case of dynamics like that? Well, a few things:
- What I talk about in my quick videos and blogs is coaching vs. therapy.
- Coaching is 4-8-12 laser-focused sessions on this “Better Than” or “Less Than” concept and finding out what is getting in your way; what are your roadblocks?
- Therapy is dealing with deeper-rooted, bigger issues such as betrayal, abandonment, trauma. Those concepts.
I also want to emphasize that this work is a huge lifetime shift in the ways you are thinking about things. So no, you will not be able to come out of the Better Than or Less Than instantly. Or you may be able to do it instantly, but it will be difficult for awhile. To get into the practice of pulling yourself out of those places joyfully takes time. Learning a new skill in adulthood takes 3-5 years.
These skills take time, effort and practice.
Therapy for Self-Worth, Betrayal, and Emotional Healing
The good news is that even doing these skills poorly is an improvement upon what you were doing before!
More good news: I can help you with blockages in either area! Through therapy and coaching, we work together to better understand the deeper emotional patterns, core beliefs, and relationship experiences that may be shaping the way you respond today. My goal is to help clients build healthy self worth, emotional regulation skills, and a stronger sense of inherent self-worth.
I offer virtual therapy across Massachusetts and provide in person sessions located at my office in Norwood, MA. Click here to book a free consultation call about working with me!