Let’s talk about Instagram and Facebook. And the views, and the likes, and the follows. (First off, specifically, I’d like to call out if you know any teenagers, I would love for your to show them this or watch my video on this topic below.) But this applies to adults as well.
If you listen to any of my previous videos: Inherent self esteem comes from inside out. “I have worth because I was born. I’m enough and I matter. I’m enough and I matter in spite of my flaws and imperfections.”
Outside self esteem: when we don’t have enough of our inherent worth, we don’t believe it just comes from being born. We believe it comes from outside sources.
So if you keep in mind my name: EASA. E is for Esteem, A is for Achievements, S is for Society and A for Attributes and Assets, those are the outside sources of self esteem that will keep us from feeling happy and fulfilled so long as we keep looking for our worth in them.
And it’s not really a simple grammatical opposite like “inside versus outside” or “healthy versus unhealthy.” What I figured out in my own brain is: I like to call it “inherent self esteem” (what you were born with) versus “outside sources of self esteem. The problem with outside sources and the unawareness we have that we are reliant on them is that they will always leave us unfulfilled versus the inherent self esteem in our core. “I have worth because I was born. Nothing I say or do adds to that or detracts from that.”
When you are posting on social media and you become really focused on the views and the likes, you’re in an outside source of self esteem. Primarily Society Based, “I have worth because people like me.” (Literally, they’re hitting the ‘like’ button)
You may also be getting Attribute Based Esteem. “I have worth because they think I’m pretty. I have worth because they think I’m x,y or z.” That’s Attribute Esteem.
You may be in Achievement Based Esteem. “I have worth because I can achieve many views. I have worth because I have a good message.”
Personally, I think I have a very good message. But I want the world to have this message of inherent self esteem. I’m not getting my own esteem, worth, or self worth from the achievement of putting this out there. If nobody reads or watches this, so be it. I’m not tied up in that. I have worth because I was born and I can take pride in what I do. (That is the difference: does my worth come from it or do I take pride in it?) I’m very excited to make this content and I just want this message out there; my worth isn’t tied up in it.
So, do not tie your worth to the likes, views and followers you are getting on social media. You have worth because you were born. Period.
And, as always, if you want to work on this, contact me! I provide telehealth therapy online and also therapy in my office in Norwood, MA.