I talk a lot about the link between Healthy Self Esteem and Healthy Decision Making. Making decisions from your Healthy Center, not from a place of Better Than or Less Than, means you can make a decision confidently because you’re coming from a grounded, realistic place. Not from a place where you’re thinking you’re better than other people or a place where you feel like you are less than equal to other people. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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You can say “Yes” or “No” with confidence because you know how to have your appropriate boundaries in place so that the other person’s reaction doesn’t have to negatively affect you.
So. That makes a lot of sense when you’re thinking about the BIG decisions in life, right? But I was recently asked, “What about smaller, everyday decisions? Like, should I buy this car or that car, or should my kid go to this daycare or that daycare? What is the link to self esteem in these cases?” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And the answer is that decisions aren’t always about yes or no questions—but when you find yourself having difficulty with these everyday decisions, it can be because you have a FEAR of making the WRONG decision. You are afraid, “What if I mess up? What if I make the wrong choice?”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And this is perfectionism. Perfectionism is, at the core, being in a place of Better Than. In Better Than, you are not accepting that you are just a human and all humans make mistakes, all humans are flawed and fallible, and that that’s okay. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If we are perfectionists, we believe we are better than human! Perfectionists think, “I do have the ability to be perfect even though no one else does.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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The DANGER of perfectionism is that the higher up you are into Better Than, the farther down you fall into the Shame Pit when you do mess up.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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So, make that everyday decision. Know that if you make the wrong choice, it’s okay! You’re only human, just like the rest of us!
Contact me here to book a free call to see if we’re a good fit to work together. I offer therapy for couples and individuals in Norwood, MA or online!