This is how I survived that house.
When I said that statement in session this week, I was specifically referring to myself and my client at that moment.
And then I realized the sentence likely serves for most people.
“That house” is the house we all grew up in.
Our adaptations, our current coping skills, are all a result of what we grew up with. What situations were going on, good and bad. We all adapted, we navigated.
Let’s keep in mind that what look like unhealthy coping skills in adulthood always stem from a healthy place. We can look at it this way: adaptive in childhood equals maladaptive in adulthood.
There are two different methods of treatment for these unhealthy coping skills.
One is very conscious – recognizing the behaviors and behaving differently. And there are so many models of therapy teaching these skills.
The other is more subconscious – it’s called Inner Child work.
Go back into the painful memories. Yes, remember them. And give yourself the compassion that you needed at the time and didn’t receive.
It’s like taking an imaginary time machine. You as the current adult that you are, get to go back in time and talk to yourself in that memory. And you will feel the difference.
Sometimes my clients don’t even talk, they simply take that child in their memory and give him/her a hug. Or they pull the child onto their adult lap and rock them. I myself have done that frequently.
When we don’t have compassion for that child we were, we often greet them with judgment instead – “Why do you keep doing this?” “Why do you act this way?” “Can’t you see you’re messing up current relationships/situations?”
Compassion is understanding “THIS is how I survived that house.”
Whatever behaviors you are currently doing that are hurting you, stemmed from a place of helping you back then.