Have you ever noticed that your sense of worth shifts depending on who you’re with?
Maybe you feel confident and comfortable with one person, but suddenly small or invisible around others. If that sounds familiar, you might be operating from what I call society-based esteem — one of the four “outside sources” in the EASA lens of self-esteem.
Let’s talk about what that means, and how to find your way back to your inherent worth.
The EASA Lens of Self-Esteem
In my framework, the EASA lens represents four common external sources of self-esteem:
- E – Esteem: Your self esteem
- A – Achievements: What you’ve accomplished
- S – Society: What others think of you
- A – Attributes or Assets: How you look, your strengths, or what you have
When our self-worth depends on these outside sources, it becomes unstable. It shifts with the situation, the people around us, or what we’ve done lately — instead of being rooted in something constant and unshakable.
Society-Based Esteem: “I Feel Less Than”
Recently, I spoke with a teenage boy who perfectly illustrated this.
He told me, “I feel fine when I’m with my girlfriend — I know I have worth then. But when I’m around the boys at school, I feel less than.”
That’s society-based esteem in action.
It’s the belief that your value changes depending on who’s in the room — that some people are “better” or “more” than you, and others are “less.”
But when we’re grounded in our inherent worth, we know the truth:
“I stand equal to all, eye to eye and toe to toe.
I am not better than anyone.
I am not less than anyone.
I have worth because I was born.”
The “Same-As” Core
When we operate from what I call the same-as core, we know that every person — including ourselves — has the same value.
We might excel in one area and struggle in another, but none of that affects our worth as human beings.
For example, I might feel confident as a therapist but less confident on a basketball court. If I start to feel “better than” in one setting and “less than” in another, that tells me I’ve stepped out of my same-as core and into an outside source of esteem.
Your worth doesn’t rise and fall with the setting, your achievements, or the opinions of others.
It is inherent. Unchanging. Enough.
A Gentle Reminder
If you find that your self-esteem shifts depending on where you are, who you’re with, or what you’re doing — pause and remind yourself:
“I have worth because I was born.
Nothing I say or do adds to or takes away from that.”
Your value is not negotiable. It’s not something you earn — it’s something you already have.
Need Support Building a Stable Sense of Worth?
If this topic resonates with you, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
I offer therapy for individuals in the Greater Boston area in-person and elsewhere online, and would be honored to help you strengthen your self-esteem and reconnect with your inherent worth.
👉 Click here to schedule a free consultation call.