The Vickey Difference
Let’s clear something up:
Self-confidence is not the same thing as self-esteem.
They’re related, sure. But they are not interchangeable. And mistaking one for the other can lead to all kinds of emotional whiplash.
So let’s break it down—Vickey style.
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence is what says:
- “I’m good at what I do.”
- “I’ve got this.”
- “I know I can figure it out.”
And listen, that’s a great thing to have! Confidence helps you show up to the meeting, raise your hand, sign up for the thing you’re scared of. It’s the engine that says, let’s go.
But confidence is performance-based. It’s about your abilities. It comes from knowing your strengths, practicing your skills, and seeing results.
Which is great—until something goes wrong.
And What About Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is deeper. It’s the foundation.
It’s the part of you that says:
“I have worth just because I was born.”
It doesn’t depend on how good you are at something. It doesn’t rely on how many compliments you got, how many people follow you, or how much you got done today.
Healthy self-esteem says:
- “I stand equal to all—eye to eye, toe to toe.”
- “I’m human, which means I’m a little bit messy and still totally worthy.”
- “I can mess up, and I’m still enough.”
Why the Difference Matters (So Much)
If your self-worth is tied to your confidence, then every mistake feels like a threat to your value.
Ever felt like you were doing fine—and then one bad review, one missed deadline, or one comparison spiral later… suddenly you’re questioning everything?
That’s what happens when confidence = worth.
But when self-esteem is strong, those moments don’t shake you quite as hard. You can say:
“Okay, not my best day. Still worthy. Still human.”
Because self-esteem knows that your value isn’t something you have to earn.
You Can Have One Without the Other
You can be confident and still have low self-esteem. (Ever met someone who seems polished and accomplished, but crumbles with criticism?)
You can also have high self-esteem without being confident in everything.
Example:
“I’m a great therapist. I’m terrible at sports. I’m okay with both.”
That’s the goal. Not to be great at everything. But to accept yourself—even when you’re not.
Final Thought
Confidence is amazing. Build it, celebrate it, use it.
Just don’t confuse it with worth.
You matter even when you’re learning. You matter even when you’re struggling. You matter even if you’re bad at volleyball.
Self-esteem says:
“I’m enough—even when I’m not crushing it.”
Let that be the foundation.
Do you think you could benefit from earning this lens for yourself? Reach out to me to book a free call to see if we’re a good match to work together. I offer therapy for couples and individuals in Norwood, MA or online!