As you’ve probably noticed from reading/watching my content, I am obsessed with the concept of self esteem. I also use “self worth” because I feel like “self esteem” is a little vague.
“Self Worth” is: where does my self worth come from? Do I know that: I have worth because I was born. Period.
Nothing I say or do adds to my worth nor detracts from my worth. Now, if you have worth because you were born, and I have worth because I was born, then you and I are equal. I am not Better Than you and I am not Less Than you.
Ever since I first started learning this lens, I see it in various places like movies, TV, real life, and podcasts. (Hence why I’ve made a lot of videos based on examples I’ve seen of it.) My goal for you is that you begin to internalize this lens and that you also start seeing examples of it in your own life.
Warning: this has some spoilers. My husband and I watch All American—this show about a football player in Los Angeles on Netflix—and I meant to go back to where it happened in the episode so that I could tell you what season and episode to find this scene in…but I forgot. Because I’m human. And I can hold myself in warm regard despite my flaws and weaknesses. But I digress…
In this episode, Spencer is the main character. The whole premise of this show is this kid Spencer is destined for great things and a successful career as a football player. In this episode, another kid in his high school is at risk of getting in big trouble and being expelled. And Spencer’s in trouble, too, because it’s a matter of “who did it?” This would mean expulsion, Spencer getting kicked off the football team, and ruining his whole future. (This is why I say “spoiler alert.”)
The other kid is about to get all of the blame, then Spencer comes out to the school board and says, “I do not have more worth than he does. Just because I may have a future (in the NFL) does not make my life have more worth than his.” (I’m paraphrasing.)
This was a perfect example of my lens of self worth! (My poor husband had to listen to me pause the show and explode in excitement going on about how this fits my lens.)
Spencer didn’t have more worth just because he might have a bright future in the NFL, and the other kid doesn’t have less worth because he’s not showing the same potential. No one knows what the kid might make of himself. And even if he doesn’t achieve great things, he still has just as much worth as Spencer or anyone else.
So, my hope for you is that you will start to notice A- when you are deriving your sense of worth from outside sources and B- when you are feeling Less Than or Better Than someone else.
Again, if you remember the EASA Lens:
E is for Esteem
A is for Achievements
S is for Society
A is for Attributes or Assets.
These are the external sources of self worth that will always leave us unfulfilled. Versus our inherent worth that stems from the insides and exists simply because you were born.
To get yourself out of Less Than, you breathe yourself up in equality. “Yes, I have worth and I matter, as well.” and if you’re in Better Than, breathe yourself down by breathing the other person up. With, “I am not Better Than or Less Than others; they matter, too.”
Spencer brought the other kid up to his own worth. And it was a beautiful thing!
If you haven’t already, be sure to go to yourdecisiondiva.com to get your Free Guide to Healthy Self Esteem and Decision Making that you can keep with you to remind yourself of the EASA lens and how to breathe yourself up or down into your center of equality and self worth!
To work with me on integrating this lens into your life, contact me here.