Do you cringe when you tell yourself self-worth affirmations? Keep reading to learn how to cope with this resistance.
What is Self-Worth?
Self-worth is inherent. It’s the deep-seated belief that you have value simply because you exist. Your worth isn’t tied to your achievements, possessions, or how others perceive you. It’s the foundational belief:
- I have inherent worth just because I was born.
- I am enough.
- I matter.
This belief allows you to hold yourself in warm regard, even in the face of flaws and imperfections. It’s about accepting yourself as you are, not as you think you should be.
Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth
Unlike self-worth, which is intrinsic, self-esteem comes from external sources. I like to think of it through the EASA Lens, which is a handy acronym that also happens to be my last name:
E for Esteem
A for Achievements: I have worth because of what I achieve.
S for Society: I have worth because others say I do.
A for Attributes and Assets: I have worth because of what I own or my personal qualities.
While these external validations can feel good momentarily, they’re not sustainable foundations for a healthy sense of self. When we rely solely on achievements, societal approval, or material possessions, we’re building our self-esteem on a shaky foundation, substituting it for the rock-solid core of inherent self-worth.
Why Do We Struggle to Believe in Our Inherent Worth?
For many of us, the idea that our worth isn’t tied to external factors feels alien. When I share with clients the concept that your worth is not based on your achievements, I’m often met with resistance. Clients might scoff or outright reject the idea, responding with:
- That’s not true.
- Who do you think you are?
- That’s silly, Vickey.
This resistance isn’t random; it stems from deeper, often unconscious beliefs formed in childhood. The messages we received growing up about our value—whether explicit or implicit—shape our self-perception. For example, if you were praised primarily for accomplishments, you may have internalized the belief that your worth is tied to achievement.
Recognizing Resistance to Self-Worth
The first step toward embracing self-worth is recognizing resistance. When you affirm your inherent worth, you might notice:
- Thoughts: Critical voices saying, That’s not true or You’re full of it.
- Emotions: Discomfort, skepticism, or even shame.
- Physical Reactions: A pit in your stomach, tension in your arms, clenched fists, or restlessness.
Resistance often manifests as a mix of these responses, signaling that some part of you is fighting against the belief in your inherent worth.
A Simple Exercise to Reconnect with Your Worth
Here’s a technique I use with clients to help them embrace their self-worth. It’s straightforward but powerful, and you can do it at home as often as needed:
Affirm Your Worth: Stand in front of a mirror (if possible) and slowly say these statements aloud:
- I have worth because I was born.
- I am enough.
- I matter.
- I stand equal to all.
- I can hold myself in warm regard in spite of my flaws and imperfections.
- I am allowed to have flaws and imperfections.
Simmer on the Statements: Say each sentence slowly and deliberately. Pause after each one to let the words sink in.
Notice Your Reactions: Pay attention to what happens in your mind and body:
- Do you hear an inner voice resisting the statements?
- Do you feel physical sensations, like tightness or unease?
- Do you notice a specific emotion, like doubt or fear?
Acknowledge the Resistance: If resistance arises, simply notice it. Say to yourself, Huh, that’s interesting. There’s a part of me that doesn’t believe in my inherent worth.
Lean Into Curiosity: Instead of judging the resistance, greet it with curiosity:
- Where did this resistance come from?
- What experiences might have contributed to this belief?
- What’s the story this part of me is telling?
By approaching resistance with curiosity rather than judgment, you open the door to understanding and healing.
This exercise helps you identify and confront the historical baggage—those childhood messages—that undermines your self-worth. The process of noticing, naming, and exploring resistance can be deeply therapeutic, creating space for new, healthier beliefs to take root.
Moving Beyond Resistance
Recognizing and understanding resistance is only the beginning. The next step is to challenge those old beliefs and replace them with affirmations rooted in your inherent worth. This takes practice and patience. Here are some additional strategies:
Journal Your Journey: Write down your affirmations and any resistance you notice. Reflect on where that resistance might come from and how you can counter it.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that it’s okay to have flaws and imperfections. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend.
Seek Support: Working with a therapist can provide a safe space to explore and dismantle deeply ingrained beliefs about self-worth.
Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge even the smallest steps forward. Recognizing your effort reinforces the belief that you matter and are enough.
Reconnecting with your inherent worth is a journey—one that requires courage, vulnerability, and self-compassion. Remember, your worth is not something you earn; it’s something you possess simply because you exist. You are enough. You matter. And you stand equal to all.
As you practice affirming your worth, notice the shifts—however subtle—in your thoughts, feelings, and body. Over time, these affirmations can help rewire your belief system, grounding you in the unshakable truth of your inherent value.
If you’re struggling with self-worth, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to seek help and support on this journey. You deserve to feel worthy and whole, just as you are.
If you are looking for help in this area, please reach out and let’s see if we’re a good fit to work together! I work with individuals and couples online or in person in Westwood, MA, near the following areas: Norwood, Boston, Dover, Brookline, Wellesley, Newton, Needham, Sharon and Canton.