We are all really looking for three things in our partner:
- Read my mind
- Agree with everything I say
- Meet every need I have when I have it
I know these sound extreme and simplistic. I also know it is true: these are the things we are all looking for deep down, if we allow ourselves to be honest.
When I have run these three concepts by my clients, my couples specifically, they all chuckle and nod in agreement.
And this is where micro-grief comes in the equation. Micro-grief = the daily disappointments. Grief is the feeling when someone or something dies.
It is a loss.
Even if it’s a breakup; something has died.
Here’s the thing, though:
Micro-grief is still a loss.
What is the loss?
The loss is the ideal partner that deep down you really want and you don’t have.
And there’s pain there.
Trying to deny that pain or ignore it doesn’t make it go away.
So much of life is about the avoidance of pain.
The solution is to allow yourself to feel the pain.
Believe it or not, when we allow the pain, it does actually pass. It may not pass immediately, but it does finally pass.
We want those three things so badly from our partner and we really struggle to understand why s/he can’t just do it.
We forget that our partner is desiring the same three things from us.
Contact me today to get to work on how to deal with the disappointments we face with these expectations.