Where Rigidity Lives—and Where Nuance Begins
Let’s explore a simple but powerful concept that can help you better understand your brain and how you respond to the world around you.
Imagine your brain as a hand. This idea comes from Dr. Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain. The base of the hand represents your subcortical brain—your reflexive, instinctive responses. This is what therapist Terry Real refers to as the adaptive child and what I often call the protective brain or unintegrated brain.
This is the part of you that reacts quickly and emotionally to stress. It’s where your old survival strategies live. It’s not bad—it was built to protect you—but it’s not where your wisest decisions come from.
Now, wrap your fingers over that core. That represents your neocortex—your thinking brain. This part soothes and regulates the more reactive parts beneath it. When it’s fully engaged, we’re operating from what I call the connected brain or your integrated adult self.
Here’s the key idea:
Rigidity lives in the protective brain. Nuance lives in the connected brain.
Black-and-white thinking, perfectionism, and harsh self-judgment all stem from the unintegrated, reactive brain. They’re signs that you’re in survival mode. But when you’re able to access your connected adult self, you invite in flexibility, curiosity, and open-mindedness. You make room for nuance.
In our relationships, at work, and in moments of overwhelm, recognizing which part of the brain we’re operating from can be a game-changer.
If you find yourself stuck in rigid patterns and want support reconnecting with your integrated self, contact me here. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
PS: Check out my other two blogs relating to this topic of Brain States!
Understanding Brain States to Improve Your Relationships
Understanding Emotional Responses in Relationships When Your Brain Thinks it’s Being ATTACKED!